I got asked by Man Crates to write about what would keep me alive till the end of a horror film. They’re a new company that sends awesome gifts for men in a crate they have to open with a crowbar! As such, they posed the question, what would I want in a horror movie survival crate? I’ve seen a lot of horror films over the last few years and I think I know what 10 things would be important to have with you to survive. Whether it’s zombies, vampires, werewolves or murders I think this list will cover your back.
Disclaimer: This list doesn’t apply to ghosts as the sane thing to do is to move house. You can’t fight ghosts as they are already dead, just leave. Quickly, before they come after you.
1) Zombie Survival Manual
My worst fear when entering a horror film is the threat of zombies. Not just any zombies, the ones that can run really fast and are almost super human. So, one of the first things I would have on me at all times is Sean T Page’s book, ‘Zombie Survival Manual: The complete guide to surviving a zombie attack’ . Not only does it tell you about zombies, but also gives tips on how to survive in an apocalyptic environment. Also if you get bored on those cold late nights you can do some reading, or on really hot days it will act as a very useful fan.
2) Wind Up Torch X2
Wind up torches would be a huge lifesaver. That way you don’t have to worry about batteries and you have a spare incase one gets knocked off a cliff or is dropped in a panic. While the noise is annoying, it will give your arm a good workout; and you aren’t reliant on batteries, which is always a characters down fall when it comes to dangerous situations. That situation in the woods when the torch goes flat and you hear the howl of the werewolf or an evil laugh of an axe murderer coming towards you, you can escape quicker by not tripping over that massive tree root sticking out of the ground. That same tree root, that is responsible for the demise of past victims.
3) Customised Vampire Stake and Necklace
You get a range of vampires these days and you never know what types you are going to be up against, whether it is the sparkly Twilight kind or the hardcore traditional kind. To cover all bases, I would include a cross-shaped stake made out of pure silver, with text from the bible carved into the sharp bladed edges of the stake. This brings in several elements of vampire weaknesses into one. BONUS: can also kill werewolves as it is made from silver. Throw in a garlic necklace around your neck when you have to enter a haunted house, I would say there would be a 50% chance it would contain vampires or monsters. It’s best to be prepared for the worst.
4) An Axe
An axe has many uses. Whether it is used to decapitate a evil vampire or kill a zombie, it will save your life several times. As well as looking pretty cool wielding an axe, you can chop down wood in order to make temporary shelter or for fire wood. Some people find chopping wood to be therapeutic, so it could be a free type of stress release.
5) Water Bottle
Finding clean water in certain areas while on the move can be dangerous, especially if you haven’t found water for a couple of days, you start to get dehydrated. Carrying a water bottle around will allow you to fill up when you can; so you aren’t dependent on others or your current camping place.
7) Swiss Army Knife
A swiss army knife has so many features attached to it they become valuable pieces of equipment. The knife will help you light a fire, prepare food and various other tasks which will become important in the face of survival. If you have been tied up to a chair by a crazed madman who plans to peel the skin of your face and slowly cut you up into little bits, use the knife to saw yourself to freedom and blind your attacker on your get away. And when things get tough you can use the corkscrew to open a bottle of wine you find in an abandoned pub on your travels as a treat.
8) Thick Rope
Rope is ideal for all sorts. Tying up rogue group members, making a temporary shelter, building a raft, abseiling down a cliff or building. Rope is a very handy in other cases where your friend is drowning and you are able to pull them to safety. The rope needs to be thick and handy to cover a variety of events.
9) First Aid Kit
If you hurt yourself and you don’t have any plasters or bandages you are instantly in trouble. Lots of walking or running can cause blisters on your feet, which will hinder your athletic performance. Included in the kit would be pills for headaches, stomach pains and toilet orientated problems. A small sowing kit packed in would be necessary, especially if you get seriously injured. That way you are less likely to die from blood loss if you can get stitched up as soon as possible.
Lastly, the most important thing is food. Otherwise, you will starve. Canned goods are preferable as they will last longer as well as long-lasting snacks etc. If you come across fruit and vegetables, it would be worth collecting some before or during your travels. Despite being in a horror film you still need to eat a healthy diet as it will reflect on your fitness, when running away from the supernatural.